#18
Ketchup, The fantasy of a recipe and 10 miles in 30 minutes
In a surprise return to form, here are some things I’ve been thinking about during my own personal writers’ strike – Ketchup, The fantasy of a recipe and 10 miles in 30 minutes
KETCHUP is a cute red duck character in the game series Animal Crossing. Since being unable to pick myself up and integrate with society at large, I have once again returned to the fantasy island land of Animal Crossing: New Horizons. After a 2 year break, I booted up my old island and I was severely dissatisfied with everyone who lived in that fake little paradise, especially a dumb bear called Chester and a stupid kangaroo called Sylvia. I truly hate her, and I’m not the only one, it seems.
For some reason she won’t leave. Recently I learned that you can terrorise the islanders to leave. To do this you can hit them with your bug catching net until they are angry, and then offer them gifts of literal trash to send them into a rage. As well as this you can talk to them constantly until they scream. A sheep called Vespa asked to leave the island (polite queen) and almost immediately after a little red duck called Ketchup moved onto the island. I love her with my whole heart and built her a tomato farm/ketchup business. Whenever I walk by that corner of the island, I am so charmed and thrilled for that small red duck. She is gorgeous. I wish only death upon Sylvia and Chester. May they rot.
THE fantasy of a recipe versus the reality von tea(se) of following it cannot be understated. There is a phenomenon that happens somewhere between looking at a recipe and then following it. It’s a metamorphosis that happens so quickly, to almost be undetected. It could be felt to be an inconsequential thing to write about, but there is a surprising form of magic that happens in these moments when you hold the metaphorical magnifying glass over such a common occurrence as looking at a recipe, and then cooking it. When choosing a recipe, the world is rich and full of opportunity. You’re flicking through the pages, or scrolling through the options, able to do quite literally anything that captivates your imagination. It is not merely potential food, but metaphysical food for the soul. When you settle on a recipe and commit to the task of making it, something shifts, and you are met with resistance almost immediately. Do you have the ingredients? How long does it take to make? What are the steps required? It’s fascinating to me to contemplate what is truly happening in this liminal space between choosing and making a recipe. I feel like it’s simply the fantasy transforming into matter; quite literally the idea becomes food. An idea brought forth into reality through instruction!
Let’s shift gears.
CYCLING at the gym is my favourite form of exercise. I prefer the ultra-sitting-down version of the exercise bike, versus the more traditional form. Since 12/08/23 I’ve been keeping track of my cycling. I’m not really a numbers, or even exercise kinda guy, but I am competitive! Straight out of the gate I did 10 miles in 32 minutes. I thought, well if I can do that then why not aim for 10 miles in 30 minutes. Reader, in some sick twisted Moby Dick white whalification, I just couldn’t do it! On the 21/08/23 I did 10 miles in 31:20. Progress, for sure, but not it. 02/09/23 I did 10 in 30:25. A mockery really. Just slipped between the pedals and shattered like my hopes and dreams. I got worse! 14/09/23 - 10 miles in 35:11. A fucking joke. I stopped cycling until literally the end of October. 30/10 I did 5 miles in 15 minutes – (hard work!) I wrote in my stupid little notes app. Proof positive that if I did the same again I could achieve my self-imposed dream! 18/11/23 10 miles in 31:30… 21/11/23 10 miles in 34:10! Sorry but chop my legs off now, are we not a team? For December I skirted around the 34 minute mark, still, wondering why I was even bothering with this Sisyphean task. I carried singing this same tune into January. New year, new me etc. Legs, are ya listening? Let’s forget about last years shame, shall we? But they doubled down, and on 09/01/24 my legs went ahead and did 10 miles in 36 minutes, thinking that was acceptable. I did some simple maths and decided to break it down. I needed to do 3.33 miles every 10 minutes to achieve my goal. If I wasn’t even doing that then there was no point doing it each time. On 13/01/24 I did 3.27 miles in 10 minutes. That was pretty close, so I thought, why not see if I could keep pace and at 15 minutes I was at 4.98 miles. Pretty close!! At 18 mins I was at 6 miles. If I could maintain that pace I would just about make it. At 27 minutes I was at 9.01 miles. Ahead of schedule and at the 30 minute mark I was at 10.06 miles. I couldn’t believe it! Anyway, it feels fucking incredible to have achieved my only goal of the year already so I guess I can literally do anything now. I did 10(.06) miles in 30 minutes.
If you think someone would enjoy this little slice of life, send it on! I have left Twitter so here is the only place my unbridaled thoughts leak into the internet. If you wish to stop my thoughts from causing more harm, feel free to do nothing.